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  1. University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
  2. Medicine and Meaning
  3. 5 – Poetry

5 - Poetry

Pain Lives in Both Misery and Joy (with Commentary by Billy Thomas, M.D.)

By Kacee J. Daniels

Pain lives in both misery and joy, respectively
it is the volume and projection that differs among them.

… at least that is what they tell me; I believe it.
It is my existence. I know no other way.

Force feeding me a game that destroys me by design
I swallow every bite and ask for more.

Blood drips from my lips–the glass shards.
I love them. 
At least I know the infliction to come when I see them glisten on the fork.
I love them. I really do. I must. I love them. 

Consuming them satisfies the sovereign, 
Who am I to disappoint?
So I crave them, and I ask for more…

Explanation:

This poem sheds light on the experience of a young black male who has learned to convert the conformity, discomfort, and pain required to become successful in a world not made for him into something digestible. As twisted as it sounds, he has convinced himself that he enjoys the very things that inflict harm to him internally. That young black male is the author, me — Kacee.  

Misery and Joy: Double Consciousness in American Medicine

Commentary by Billy Thomas, M.D.

Kacee Daniel’s Pain Lives in Both Misery and Joy reminds me of the concept of “Double Consciousness,” first presented by W.E.B. Du Bois. It is evidenced in the lines “Force feeding me a game that destroys me by design, I swallow every bite and ask for more.”

In 1903, during the post-Reconstruction period and more than four decades after the passage of the 13th Amendment, W.E.B. Du Bois introduced the term “double consciousness” to describe the internal conflict that existed in newly freed enslaved Black persons as they struggled to survive and assimilate into an environment dominated by a white majority. Du Bois states: “One ever feels his twoness – an America, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.” These two warring ideals—to either join mainstream society or to reject it and define the world and relate it entirely from a Black perspective—are at the core of double consciousness, resulting in a struggle to establish one’s identity (Du Bois, 1903; Bonner, 2006). Black Americans lived in two worlds: one composed of like individuals who shared ancestry, culture, religion, values, and experiences and another world dominated by a white majority and a culture in which there were very few shared experiences, ancestry, or values—namely, a world in which Black Americans were not considered truly human, only property. In order to survive, formerly enslaved people found themselves in a position in which they had to conform and assimilate into a white society. In order to assimilate and progress socioeconomically, Black Americans were forced to take on the values, manners, ideologies, and the religion of a people that were foreign to them and, according to the ruling majority, pre-ordained as the only true human beings, creating an aspirational level or standard of humankind to be achieved by Black Americans. As is the case with many minority populations, this overwhelming internal struggle may give way to the adoption of the dominant group’s values and ideals, resulting in the dilution or even the erasure of the minority group’s values and structure—in this case Black Americans—leading to the loss of personal and group identity.

How does one make the transition to fit into a social structure that historically has been discriminatory, polarizing, and abrasive to individuals who are different from the dominant group? Black Americans were torn between trying to retain their true heritage, culture, and values as human beings (i.e., personal and group identity) and conforming to a system that demanded shedding all that was representative of their personal identity and culture in favor of adopting ways of life and thinking that were foreign to them and based on the norms, values, religion, and ideologies of a white majority.

In many ways the poem highlights the ongoing inner struggles of coming to grips with one’s efforts to become part of a culture and educational environment in which minority and marginalized people have historically been less valued. It is about retaining one’s personal identity in an ongoing struggle to assimilate and progress through an educational system and a society that was developed by and in many ways favors the dominant majority. It is about the day to day pain and exhaustion of attempting assimilation and navigation of social structures and educational systems along with the ongoing struggle to find one’s personal identity in a political, economic, and educational landscape normalized to the dominant majority. It is about an ongoing quest for knowledge and assimilation at the risk of losing one’s self.

Double consciousness is not unique to Black people and applies to any minority group of people who seek to integrate and assimilate into a large homogeneous majority population. It likewise applies to the large number of people who have immigrated to this country from around the globe. In many cases the difference in the level of assimilation has been determined by skin color as a proxy for race. The very visual evidence of skin color has been used to deny access at multiple levels. Although this affects all people of color, its overall impact is more pronounced on Black Americans whose ancestors were bought and sold as slaves and whose basic make-up has been shaped by generations of enslavement, discrimination, and marginalization. The result is a deep internal conflict with one’s self and a continuing struggle to overcome the internal racism, low self-esteem, and loss of self-created by systemic racism. Perhaps the best illustration of internal racism, the lack of identity, and the feeling of inferiority produced by racism is a series of experiments conducted by Drs. Kenneth and Mamie Clark in the 1940s in which Black children between the ages of 3 and 7 were asked to identify the race of dolls and which dolls they preferred. A majority of the children preferred the white doll and assigned positive characteristics to it. The study concluded that prejudice, discrimination, and segregation created a feeling of inferiority among Black children and damaged their self-esteem, resulting in a loss of self-identity and creating what we now consider internalized racism (Jones, 2000; Clark & Clark, 1939; Green, 1997).

Researchers have applied the term “toxic stress” to the effects of persistent adverse life circumstances—such as racism, discrimination, and poverty—that may influence the genetic predispositions that affect an individual’s emerging brain architecture and long-term health. Toxic stress has been shown to have a pronounced effect on those areas of the developing fetal brain that primarily function in our critical thinking, behavioral responses, cognition, linguistics, and ability to respond to stressful situations (Shonkoff J P, 2012). Long-term effects have been shown to be intergenerational. Historically, Black Americans are the descendants of a population that was subjected to an environment and culture of constant stress and fear of being beaten, killed or lynched, and sold at the whim of their owner (Blight, 2011). Along with the unmeasurable trauma of separation of families, this produced a level of chronic toxic stress that may manifest itself as both implicit and explicit changes in behavior, critical thinking, and ambiguity about one’s true identity. These long-term changes could serve as defense mechanisms and operate at the core of double consciousness. Black Americans continue to conform in an attempt to assimilate into a majority world that, in many cases, continues to be unfair and marginalizing. As our understanding of the long-term biological effects of toxic stress improves, we may be able to identify an unconscious and biological basis for double consciousness.

While double consciousness maybe the internal manifestation of biological processes (i.e., epigenetic) that have become deeply engrained in Black Americans and profoundly affects critical thinking and behavior, code switching may be considered the superficial manifestation of double consciousness. It can be unconscious or deliberate, and it may play a significant role in our daily behavior and activity. The foundation of code switching is based on linguistics (or language variations) and situational behavioral changes during social interactions (McCluney et. al, 2019; Nilep, 2006). Code switching is ubiquitous throughout society, more specifically in minority communities, and is a conscious effort to fit in or conform. It is controlled and applied at will and is readily used to fit into daily interactions, events, and environments. Although superficial, it creates a baseline level of chronic stress.

As long as there are dominant and subordinate groups, remnants of double consciousness will remain. Our goal should be to look at double consciousness from a historical perspective and try to understand its manifestations in Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). In order to do this, we must first try to understand the mitigating circumstances of slavery, segregation, institutional racism, and their generational effects on Black and White Americans in creating dominant and subordinate classes based on race. We must realize and take ownership of past wrongs and move to change. In order to move forward, the possible origins and realities of double consciousness must be recognized, put in context, and applied to our current state of racial tension. How did we get here?

Behavior is not fixed (nature) and is influenced a great deal by the surrounding environment (nurture) (Jones, 2000). Individuals and populations exposed to continuous toxic stress develop specific responses that can be heavily influenced by their support systems—such as families, communities, religious leaders, teachers, health care providers, and mentors—resulting in an increased awareness and understanding of existing social structures along with the development of skill sets that allow individuals to overcome social barriers and progress in a majority-dominated world. (Hughes, 2006). As is the case with many minority and marginalized groups, BIPOC must strive to overcome the barrier of double consciousness in order to find a place in which the very soul is at peace, where self-worth overrides external factors that could create barriers to attaining consciousness of self, development of personal and professional identity and fulfillment.

The intent of this commentary is to increase awareness, educate and promote change. As an African American male who has spent an entire career in academic medicine I’m very aware of and have experienced the external barriers and internal struggles that result from assimilation into an educational environment with very few or no minorities. I’m also the product of a segregated, and later, integrated public school system. Neither of these facts makes me an expert on poetry or an authority on the genesis, biological basis, and reality of double consciousness, but as one with a lived experience that encompasses many of the conflicts highlighted in the poem, it does give me a very unique perspective and insight surrounding the behaviors, perceptions, and perhaps critical thinking of students and faculty of color as they seek to become part of the medical community. Over the years my role as a faculty member as evolved from one as primarily a clinician and researcher to one as a teacher, advisor, mentor and coach. As a faculty member part of my responsibility (duty) is to share my perspectives and past experiences and possibly give meaning and basis for the feelings of isolation and ambiguity experienced by many students and faculty as they struggle to find themselves and develop their personal and professional identity. This has given me the opportunity, privilege and honor to be involved in the personal and professional lives of multiple students and faculty. Needless to say, it has shaped me personally and professionally.

Lastly, and maybe more importantly, the poem highlights the value and critical need of an institutional awareness and culture along with transitional programs and support systems that serve to mitigate the experiences of minority students and faculty as they adapt and maneuver through an academic environment that may not be inclusive and nurturing. In spite of what may seem an overwhelming struggle, I remain optimistic as local and national health professions institutions continue their efforts to address the lack of diversity in medicine through the creation of leadership positions in diversity, equity and inclusion and organizations like the Association of American Medical Colleges and the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education continue to institute policies and provide guidelines and strategies that seek to increase diversity and ultimately change the culture of medicine (Association of American of Medical Colleges, 2020).

Notes

  • Association of American Medical Colleges. Addressing Harmful Bias and Eliminating Discrimination in Health Professions Learning Environments. Academic Medicine. December 2020 Supplement, Volume 95, Number 12. S1 – S177.
  • Blight D W. Race and Reunion: The Civil War in American memory. The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press. Cambridge Massachusetts, and London England. 2001.
  • Bonner F A II. The Temple of My Unfamiliar. In Faculty of Color. Teaching in Predominately White Colleges and Universities. Staley CA, ed. Anker Publishing Company, Chapter 6, pp – 80-99, 2006.
  • Clark K B and Clark M K. The Development of Consciousness of Self and the Emergence of Racial Identification in Negro Preschool Children. The Journal of Social Psychology Volume 10, 1939, issue 4. 591-599. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224545.1939.9713394
  • Du Bois W.E.B. The Souls of Black Folk. Penguin Books, 1903.
  • Green C D. Classics in the History of Psychology. Clark K B, Clark M K. The Development of Consciousness of Self and the Emergence of Racial Identification in Negro Preschool Children. Journal of Social Psychology Bulletin 10 591-599. https://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Clark/Self-cons/
  • Hughes D et. al. Parents’ Ethnic–Racial Socialization Practices: A Review of Research and Directions for Future Study. Developmental Psychology. 2006, Vol. 42, No. 5, 747–770
  • Jones C P. Levels of racism: a theoretic framework and a gardener’s tale. Am J Public Health. 2000 August; 90(8): 1212–1215. PMCID: PMC1446334
  • McCluney CL, Robotham K, Lee S, Smith R and Durkee M. The Cost of Code Switching The Big Idea Series/Advancing Black Leaders. Harvard Business Review. November 15, 2019. https://hbr.org/2019/11/the-costs-of-codeswitching
  • Nilep C. “Code Switching” in Sociocultural Linguistics. Colorado Research in Linguistics, Volume 19 (2006). https://scholar.colorado.edu/cril/vol19/iss1/1
    DOI: https://doi.org/10.25810/hnq4-jv62
  • Shonkoff JP, Leveraging the biology of adversity to address the roots of disparities in health and development. PNAS, 17302-17307, October 16, 2012, vol. 109, suppl 2. www.pnas.org/cgi/doi/10.1073/pnas.1121259109

 

 

 

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

(His Mother Said) That She Was Eating Cherries

by Ruth Weinstein

Cancer had chewed away half her mouth and face,
carving the soft palette, chiseling the jawbone,
cutting her cheek out, slicing the tongue lengthwise.
Her suffering lasted for years, her skin grafted
from pale tender patches.  Altogether, her visage,
which was not altogether, frightened children in
grocery stores, repulsion warring with compassion.

She had not eaten solid food in years and then
was fed by a tube until her small intestine perforated
and kindly pneumonia escorted her to the last dance.
Her son and his wife, my friends, sat with her at the
painful end, her spelling device nearby for she could
not speak once the tongue had lost its twin half.

Oddly she still had her olfactory sense and found
the smell of food cooking nauseating.
They sat and rubbed her shoulders, cooing
the comfort of small talk, attentive to the moment
when some important word or phrase
might announce itself, attentive to her breath.
She reached for her board and spelled
“eating cherries” before the end.
He said he wasn’t eating cherries but she
spelled again and spelled “I”—signaling some
delight with sweet fruit, the metaphor for a life
of ease and pleasure as she lay in a hospital bed
at the bottom of life’s sloping bowl.
That hard life of physical suffering
had become life’s proverbial bowl of cherries.
A true gift before dying.

Ruth Weinstein’s poetry has been appearing in various print and online journals since 2014. Her family history/memoir, Back to the Land: Alliance Colony to the Ozarks in Four Generations, was published in February 2020 by Stockton University Press. Ruth also works as a textile artist and, along with her husband, is an avid organic gardener on their 40-acre homestead in the Arkansas Ozarks.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

413A

By J.R. Solonche

Whatever else may happen
to a man on his back for six months,
at least he must become expert on himself.

Whatever else may happen to him,
at least a man must become an authority
on the coursing of his blood,
on the torque of his bone,
on the sloughing of his skin.

At least he will come to know
what every feeling means,
how every sensation has its cause.

And he will come to himself as the son
comes to the father
after a bitter estrangement.

And he will forgive himself many things,
everything.

And he will seek his own level,
as water does in a bed of stone.

Nominated for the National Book Award and twice-nominated for the Pulitzer Prize, J.R. Solonche is the author of 26 books of poetry and coauthor of another. He lives in the Hudson Valley, New York.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

COVID and Other Blue Moods Tanka

By Gerry Sarnat

Always up for schwitz
In sauna, hot tub or springs
To rid self of bad
Humors/tumors, dread virus
–I would rather not be dead.

Gerard Sarnat won San Francisco Poetry’s 2020 Contest, the Poetry in the Arts First Place Award plus the Dorfman Prize, and has been nominated for handfuls of 2021 and previous Pushcarts plus Best of the Net Awards. Gerry is widely published including in Hong Kong Review, Tokyo Poetry Journal, Buddhist Poetry Review, Gargoyle, Main Street Rag, New Delta Review, Arkansas Review, Hamilton-Stone Review, Northampton Review, New Haven Poetry Institute, Texas Review, Vonnegut Journal, Brooklyn Review, San Francisco Magazine, Monterey Poetry Review, The Los Angeles Review, and The New York Times, as well as by Harvard, Stanford, Dartmouth, Penn, Columbia, North Dakota and University of Chicago presses. He’s authored the collections Homeless Chronicles, Disputes, 17s, Melting the Ice King. Gerry is a Harvard-trained physician who’s built and staffed clinics for the marginalized as well as a Stanford professor and healthcare CEO. Currently he is devoting energy/ resources to deal with climate justice, and serves on Climate Action Now’s board. Gerry’s been married since 1969 with three kids plus six grandsons, and is looking forward to potential future granddaughters.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

COVID Eyes

By Nick Zaller

Light refracted to reveal our thoughts and fears
Perhaps too much so.
We are naked to one another’s stares
As if we can no longer conceal the vulnerabilities within.
A glance becomes a whisper,
A gaze a scream
Daring one another to look away.
I can see within you the same fears
That I thought I buried from the world long ago.
We walk past one another as shadows in the night
Fixing our gaze on the reality that lies ahead.

I cannot see the unseen
Though I feel it calling my name.
Look up, the distant voice calls
For me to open my eyes wider
To take in the light I cannot see.
Will you meet me there,
In that place where our souls lack comfort?
Or will you look away, and leave me
To stumble in the darkness?
If I could only summon the courage
I might look a little longer.

Life and death all around us
Blinding us like a thousand suns.
Points of light darkening our vision
Of who is standing right beside us.
Our mouths muted while we
Bow to the deafening roar 
Of words unspoken.
I cannot touch you
But I know you are there.
Reaching across both time and space
I grasp for the star twinkling in the distance.

The beauty of what I see
Defies my other senses.
Windows that cannot be closed
Revealing hidden mysteries within.
I cannot help but look
Into the places I am not supposed to see.
Waiting for a sign that it is ok
To linger at the precipice of knowing.
An invitation to come inside and rest.
But I am only given a warning
That I am not ready to see.

Dr. Zaller is a Professor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences Fay W. Boozman College of Public Health. His research focus has been on the overlap between behavioral health disorders, including addiction and mental illness, infectious diseases and incarceration both in the United States and internationally. Dr. Zaller earned his bachelor’s degree in microbiology and East Asian Studies from Kansas University in 1999. After graduation, he lived in China for a year as a Fulbright Scholar before completing a doctorate in public health at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in 2004.  

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

Cutting Out Paper Stars

By John McPherson

So now she cuts out paper stars,
stenciled onto construction paper.
Bent fetal-like on her hospice supplied recliner,
no longer even able to sit up in a wheel chair,
fingers feeble with age
barely able to maneuver the safety scissors.

Short time ago she crocheted butterflies to give away, 
led Bible study groups, counseled other residents.
Now, failing feet wrapped in bandages, 
she strives to keep fingers and mind active
in the only way left to her—
cutting out paper stars.

Facsimiles perhaps of those—
in a near future crown

John McPherson is the current president of Poets’ Roundtable of Arkansas, president of Gin Creek Poets, and past president of White County Creative Writers. He writes poems, short stories, and letters to the editor, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

Elegy for Eight Words

By LaDeana Mullinix

The barricade was built on my car 
dashboard during my daily drive, 
petit Gavroche shot
in the forty-fourth CD.

I left the battlefield of 1832 spinning, 
my eyes dampened by Hugo’s words: 
The sound of the child hitting the pavement. 

Heart-pierced,
I crossed the hospital parking lot
to confront the work day.

Like a giant touching the earth,
Hugo’s phrase distorted my orbit of ordinary – 
Now

every door slammed, 
every box dropped,
every heavy footfall
and the child fell again.

Against propriety, I touched
a gentleman’s face in our therapy room.
I stared in a baby’s eyes 
and briefly forgot where I was.

I adjusted the magnet holding Dave’s youngest,
secured the photo to his locker,

and told him twice
on this day of great battle that his boy is beautiful.

LaDeana Mullinix is a Quaker, a retired occupational therapist, a native Kansan, a Master Gardener and a Master Naturalist. Her poetry and essays have been published in Friends Journal and Slant. Her poetry has been published in one anthology, and two were recently accepted in a forthcoming anthology featuring Ozarks poets, from the University of Arkansas Press.      

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

In the Dark

By Duane Anderson

They turned off the lights
in the hallway and area where I was seated.
The maintenance man was working
on some problem he
was having with the lights,
so there I was,
in the dark,
once again,
like I had been my whole life.
Go ahead; just ask some of the people
I used to work with
or ask my brother or my wife.
It was nothing new.

Each morning I read the newspaper
and watch the news on television
several times each day
trying to stay current with what is
going on in the world,
though some things I will never understand.
It was just meant to be.

The lights come back on
then go back off two more times.
Maybe on the third try
he will get the lights fixed,
after all, isn’t the third time is the charm,
but as I wait for the next donor,
here I am,
once again,
forever in the dark
in more ways than one.

Duane Anderson lives in La Vista, NE. He is retired after working 37 years at Union Pacific Railroad, and now volunteers as a Donor Ambassador with the American Red Cross on their blood drives, usually volunteering once a week. He has had poems published in The Pangolin Review, Fine Lines, Cholla Needles, Tipton Poetry Journal, Poesis Literary Journal, and several other publications. He is the author of Yes, I Must Admit We Are Neighbors, On the Corner of Walk and Don’t Walk, and The Blood Drives: One Pint Down.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

The Dreamer

By John Grey

I didn’t think she’d be here
for the birth of her first grandchild,
but you never know what a ghost will do,
not when it’s the eggs of her eggs
that have ripened into a tiny red-skinned boy
with a squawk like a gull and hair the color
of new radishes.

But it’s not her phantom
haunting the delivery room.
It’s memory, not quite as gray-haired,
as rickety on its pins
as that last image of her.
Her head looks over the doctor’s shoulder.
Her arms reach out to steady the nurse’s hold.
She helps wipe the blood,
soothes her daughter’s brow
with nothing but the palm of her hand.

We figured she was buried so deep
that the family hierarchy
began with the woman in the bed,
the man pacing in the waiting room.
But she’s here for one touch
of new human flesh,
a tap on the back
to get lungs moving,
a gentle rocking of a crib,
maybe a kiss on the cheek so light,
the baby thinks it put it there itself.

Of course, it’s only right she should be here.
For she never believed death was the end.
She wasn’t even sure it was the beginning of anything.
And she always dreamed of being a grandmother.
So maybe it’s a dream
that’s bringing the baby home.
And if it’s a dream,
then there has to be someone,
as close as breath,
dreaming.

John Grey is an Australian poet, US resident, recently published in Sheepshead Review, Stand, Poetry Salzburg Review and Hollins Critic. Latest books, Leaves On Pages, Memory Outside The Head, and Guest Of Myself are available through Amazon. Work upcoming in Ellipsis, Blueline, and International Poetry Review.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

What I Know

By Laine Derr

She ties a string around my shoe
to remind me what day it is, 
I try to hold on, 
knowing right from left – memories.

She ties a string around my shoe, 
bows it slightly, in a bow,
sometimes I’m not sure of my memories, 
today or yesterday. 

When looking down 

what I know 
is there’s a string 
tied to my shoe, 
tied to this earth,
tied to her love.

Laine Derr holds an MFA from Northern Arizona University and has published interviews with Carl Phillips, Ross Gay, Ted Kooser, and Robert Pinsky. Recent work has appeared or is forthcoming from Antithesis, ZYZZYVA, Portland Review, North Dakota Quarterly, Prairie Schooner, and elsewhere.

Filed Under: 5 - Poetry

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