By Courteney Ragan
It’s always with me,
A forever companion forged by circumstances not within my control.
Like a rash that lessens in intensity but never fully goes away.
Or a forgotten bruise that hums with pain at the slightest touch.
In my sleep, like an intruder who steals a peaceful night’s rest and erases memories of joy in an instant,
Only to awake with the sinking, aching, devastation that none of it was real.
In the grocery store, like a soft breeze carrying the scent of her
lemon perfume—
Only to realize, again, it’s worn by a stranger, not her.
In the car, like an echo that replays whispers of her laugh
Only to be met with an empty, dark passenger seat.
Life before my companion was light.
Days never felt too long or like my feet were perpetually stuck in thick, brown mud.
Until years were forever changed in seconds,
And, like rushing water, it poured in, covering and transforming everything in its path.
Grief is my companion.
It is in these everyday occurrences of my life that it has interwoven itself and stands tallest.
Just as I grab my bag before leaving the house in the morning, it grabs me and carries me throughout the day.
A powerful reminder of a life that is no more.
Courteney Ragan is an instructor in the Writing Center as part of the Educational and Student Success Center at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. Before joining UAMS in 2024, she worked as an English teacher for 11 years. She has a Master of Education degree from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock and enjoys reading literature of all genres. She currently resides in Maumelle, Arkansas, and enjoys spending time with family and friends.